Well it’s been a while since I’ve been here. and there’s a good reason for that. I’ve been doing nothing with my life for a while now.
Yes I had an entire six weeks off for summer and did nothing with it and ended up feeling like a sack of warm poo turd. An advantage to this is in the recent half term I had a burning desire not to waste any time.
Cue a surf trip to Devon with the erotic Gavin and the non electric rotic Ty.
After a heafty seven week term at school, a well needed half term knocked on the door, and I was all like “come in, but wipe your feet on the mat as I am a classy bird”.
So we loaded up my recently fixed car that now had a working turbo, and set off on our way.
Now usually that first hour of mundane motorway away from your home town isn’t that eventful. Why you could just be off to Ikea to buy a set of shoddy forks. But this trip was different. On this trip that first hour consisted of us buying a Macdonalds, me placing a tray of coke and ice cream on the drivers seat, checking that some bits of my car under the bonnnet where still bits, then forgetting about the coke and ice cream and sitting on it as I got back in the car.
There’s always that moment at the start of an adventure that defines it absolutely. And the moment of this adventure was ice cream and coke in my butt crack. I half sound like a hooker.
A long four hour drive with Ty pissing in bottles later and the mood of the trip was was going well. Still, seeing the log cabin that Gavin booked would surely raise the mood.
NO BECAUSE GAVIN BOOKED A FUCKING SHED.
Seriously. No jokes. It was a shed. And to top it off, the receptionist asked for a hundred pound deposit as we were three young men. Everyone naturally looked at me and I suddenly became solely responsible for the shed.
Thanks to us all being fairly low class and having low standards, a shed was actually a palace. A small wooden palace. Thankfully there was enough room for me to take off my ice cream and coke pants.
one major saving grace was the view. From our cosey little shed, we could see the rolling hills of Devon all the way down to the crashing waves on the ocean.
Like any first day when you’re stretched for time, it was a bit of a wash out. Luckily our shed had an actual tv with freeview. That makes it better than my house! Not wanting to waste an opportunity we snuggled up in bed and watched Family Guy.
As we all drifted off into the sweet embrace of sleep, Ty woke up to once again piss in a bottle. In the shed. I mean I know I said we don’t have that much class but that is just beyond the fucking pale.
After a stern telling off by Gavin and I, we all just gave up and slept.
The next morning was cold and grey, but that wasn’t going to stop us enjoying our precious surfing time in Devon. We headed down to Woolacombe and braved the bitting weather to get into our wetsuits. To our delight, Gavin and I were rewarded with clean, glassy surf. A beautiful surfing baptism for Gavin, and a good chance for me to stoke the surf fire in my belly.
Ty was around somewhere.
That night we felt the need to explore, so we jumped in the car and headed to Illfracombe, the next town over. To my delight but not really Ty and Gavin’s, I found a big hill/cliff that promised some great photo opportunities. Nothing beats standing on a freezing cliff in the dark of night with a great view taking pictures. Unless you’re Gav, in which case pretty much everything beats that.
The next day we were lucky enough to be graced with clear skies and sun in our eyes. Made all the more special considering the fact it was the end of October. We were all psyched for surfing.
Evan Ty couldn’t wait to wrap himself up in neoprene and get his boy parts wet.
The surf was even better than the day before, and to make it all the more amusing, mine and Gavin’s boss turned up. Yes 200 miles away from work and responsibilities and by day two I was responsible for accommodation and spending the day with the boss. Although Gav and I spend most of our lives annoying our boss so it was actually quite fun. We did try to help her surf, but we were absolutely useless at helping. This might have well been a day at work.
We stayed in the water all day. Great waves, great friends, and the feeling that anything could happen. As long as your idea of anything is an alright wave that you can try and surf. We got out the water that day knowing that the whole trip had been worth while. No amount of ice cream in the arse crack whole could bring this down.
It was another day of pure enjoyment. A day so perfect I can’t even make a bad joke about it.
That night we snuck into someone else’s campsite and played some bingo. And Gav and myself somehow got involved in a dance off. Which I got booed out of.
We had arrived at the last sleep of the trip, and I just didn’t want to go back home. Right up until I tried to sleep to the sounds of Ty and Gav having a snore and fart off in their sleep.
After about zero minutes of trying to put up with this decibel disaster, I went to the car and laid there all night. Laid, not slept.
So this wonderful trip ended with me driving four hours straight on no sleep while Ty and Gav had fun winding me up.
Trips with friends you like are wonderful, but trips with friends they do nothing but get on your tits, those are the amazing ones.
Until I burst a blood vessel dealing with these cunts,